


I Scream It to the Nothingness

by eggplantemily



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, happy boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:06:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3196400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggplantemily/pseuds/eggplantemily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian has been in bed for 17 days, Mickey misses him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Scream It to the Nothingness

Ian's been in bed for 2 weeks. Or 17 days, but who's counting?

Mickey's done everything he possibly can to help him, all he wants is Ian to be happy and secure. For the past 17 days Ian has been vulnerable and unhappy. Mickey doesn't know what the fuck to do anymore. He'd never admit it, but he's cried over this too much in the past 17 days. 

All Ian will eat is fucking Saltine crackers and water, Mickey assumes its better than nothing but he's starting to notice Ian dropping weight, fast. Ian hasn't showered in 2 weeks, he's hardly moved. He stays facing away from the door, curled up under the blankets sadly. Mickey still sleeps in the same bed as him, but they're not pressed close together like they were on the first morning after his big announcement at The Alibi. Mickey is on one side, Ian is on the other, though when he's sure Ian has drifted off, he slides closer just to touch him, for Ian and himself. 

Mickey misses Ian so much, even though he spends almost every waking moment in the same room, because he doesn't know how he'd cope with himself if he found Ian on the floor with his wrists slit the way the Gallagher's found Monica. But he misses his Ian. The Ian who looked at him with a look no one ever gave him before. The Ian who would push Mickey to do good things, even when Mickey pretended to hate it. The Ian who made jokes and laughed at them. The Ian who was his best friend. The Ian who made Mickey effortlessly happy no matter what kind of shit they were going through. Ian continues to inspire Mickey to be a better person, but Mickey really wants the old Ian back.

He walks into his and Ian's room, (is he allowed to call it that when they don't even talk?) and sits as close as he can get to Ian. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, but he kind of does. "Ian? I don't know if you're awake or not, cause you've been sleepin' for two weeks now, but," he reaches over Ian's body to grab hold of one of his hands. Ian still makes no indication that he's awake. "I'm gonna talk to you, okay? I don't really know what the fuck I'm doin'. I'm just gonna talk." Mickey rambles, trying to keep himself together. "I miss you so much, Gallagher." he says, his breath hitching. 

"I don't really understand what you're going through right now, but fuck, am I trying to. I am doing fucking everything I can to make you better again. I would do anything in this fucking world to get you up and happy again, but shit, Ian, it's not enough. When Fiona first came here and said you're going to have to go to a psych ward, I fought her like hell, no fucking way was she taking you away from me. Now all I can think of you ending up running away for good or slicing your wrists on the kitchen floor, and I cannot let that happen. I would much rather you be gone for a few months than for eternity.

Ian... fuck. You gotta go to that hospital. I know you won't want to, but Ian you got to. All anyone wants is for you to be happy. All I want is for to be happy because- shit- 'cause I love the fuck outta you. Y'know that? You're the love of my fuckin' life, you asshole." Suddenly Mickey hopes Ian is actually asleep. "And all I want from this world is for you to be happy and protected and safe, and right now the best way for you to be that is for you yo get some help from professionals." Mickey sighs. "So if you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. Do it for Debbie, do it even for Lip for Christ's sake, just please-" he chokes up, "fuck- please do it." 

Mickey feels exhausted at this point, he's just talked more than he think he ever has, he's just told someone, a boy albeit, he loves them, he has never done that, before Ian he didn't even know what love was. Mickey feels exhausted, so he lets himself cry. Mickey can count on one hand the amount of times he's cried. Most of which were due to the ginger kid lying next to him. Ian has yet to show any signs of awakeness, so Mickey assumes he truly has been asleep this whole time, he feels a weight lifted off his chest then immediately he feels another one added because he's going to have to say this all again. Mickey silently cries for a while, just wanting Ian to get up and be his normal, happy self. "Fuck- I love you so much- please- please be okay-" he subconsciously rambles, bringing Ian's hand that's entangled with his up to press against his lips.

Mickey settles down eventually. Somewhere along the way he finds himself pressed against Ian's back, hands still intertwined. Mickey kisses Ian's back and suddenly he feels his hand be squeezed. His heart jumps into his throat but he doesn't move, because this is Ian reaching out to him, something he hasn't done in too long (is 17 days too long?). But Mickey thinks Ian is back and that's all that really matters to him. 

"I love you too, Mick." Ian's voice is quiet and raw and scratchy when he says it, a while after squeezing Mickey's hand, but he says it and Mickey thinks he might cry again. Ian turns over to face Mickey and Mickey does cry. He cries because Ian is the most beautiful person he's every laid eyes on and he's missed this beautiful face more than he's ever missed anything. Mickey still thinks crying makes you a pussy, so he tilts his head down so Ian won't see them, but Ian already knows and he pulls Mickey to his chest. 

And it's not miraculous, Ian doesn't get out of bed the next day, Ian still doesn't eat, Ian still doesn't shower. He doesn't magically get better and he doesn't magically agree to go to the hospital. Mickey still has to fight him to eat and drink and move. Mickey still has to fight him to get him to check into the hospital, but eventually he does. 

In early April, Ian checks in to a mental illness hospital, for the first few weeks he has to be completely isolated, meaning he can't see Mickey or anyone outside of nurses or doctors. In May, Ian has his first visitors day, the entire Gallagher clan comes, along with Mickey and Mandy. Ian cries, everyone cries, and even though he tries to hide it, Mickey cries. Ian just kisses the top of his boyfriends head. 

Ian feels better, thanks to the meds and the therapist visits. 

One day Mickey comes alone on visitors day, Ian's not all that surprised, he knows his family wants them to have time alone together. On this particular day, they're just sitting in the window sill of Ian's room, enjoying each others presence. Hands intertwined, hearts intertwined. Both of them are silent, until "I'm sorry, Mick." Ian's voice is quiet and sad.

"For what?"

"For all the shit I've put you through in the past three years. I caused you a lot of trouble you shouldn't have been put through."

"You didn't put me through anything I didn't already have coming. Or I didn't want to do." Mickey reassures, squeezing the hand of beautiful boy next him.

"Yeah, I'm sure you wanted to be beat by your father twice because of me. I'm sure you wanted to get raped by a whore because of me. I'm sure you really wanted to come out to him because of me."

"Hey," Mickey says sternly, reaching out to make Ian face him. "My dad beat the shit out of me no matter what I did, he's done it since I was little, and if he wasn't in prison he'd be doing it now. You did not make me fuck Svetlana," Mickey notices Ian's flinch at those words. It was over a year ago but still too fresh in their minds. Mickey squeezes Ian's hand tighter. "my dad made me. And I came out that night because I knew that's what it took to be with you. I wanted you, and I wanted freedom, and yeah I got the living daylight beat out of me, but my dad's in jail and I'm with you. I won." 

"You're such a sap." Ian smiles, hiding his face in Mickey's shirt.

"Only for you, Firecrotch." Mickey says, smiling. His real smile, where his eyes crinkle and his cheeks get chubby. The kind of smile that only comes around if Ian's with him. Mickey really loves Ian.

Ian leaves the hospital in late July, everyone comes to pick him up. Mickey is the one to come pick him up from his room. Ian's actually kind of sad to leave this place has become a second home, but now he gets to go to his real one with a beautiful boy with bright blue eyes. He's been home on overnight stays, something the hospital allows once you're stable enough, he got to spend 4th of July with everyone, but now he gets to go for good. He thinks he might cry from excitement. 

"Ey, slow poke, you ready to go?" Mickey calls fondly as Ian packs the last of his things. 

"Yeah," Ian smiles at his goofball of a boyfriend. "Let's go." And Ian walks out of his fluorescent lighted, dull, little hospital room for good. He wraps an arm around Mickey's shoulders and Mickey steps closer to him as they walk towards the elevator to the lobby. "Missed you." Ian speaks, breathing in Mickey's scent. (Cheap cologne and cigarettes.) 

"Love you." Mickey responds.

 

It isn't over then, Ian still has bad days where he can't seem to stop thinking. He has bad days where he takes a little longer to get out of bed. He has bad days where Mickey has to do a little more convincing to get him to eat. He has good days where he feels amazing, not even manic, just happy, where he goes for a run. He has good days where he cuddles with Mickey and kisses Mickey and loves Mickey the way he should. He has good days where he makes breakfast for everyone. 

Ian has bad days, and Ian has good days. He's getting better all the time. He takes his medicine, he goes to his therapist appointments. Mickey helps him in every way he can. Mickey has reminders set on his phone for when Ian needs to take his meds. Mickey has a calendar on the fridge with all of Ian's upcoming appointments. Mickey still doesn't quite completely understand what bipolar really is, but neither does Ian, they're figuring it out along the way. On the bad days Mickey is patient, which is something he is not for anyone but Ian. On the good days Mickey is happy and overflowing with love for this beautiful redheaded idiot he gets to have as his own.

The good days come and go but Mickey always stays.

**Author's Note:**

> hey peeps! i've been meaning to write something like this for a while, and i finally stopped slacking off and i did! amazing . so... yeah, also, if i made any mistakes with bipolar disease, or rehabilitation centres, don't be afraid to call me out. i hope you guys enjoyed :))) 
> 
> you can leave prompts on my shameless tumblr :) becauseyourenotfree.tumblr.com  
> i'd be happy to write them
> 
> byeeeeee
> 
>  
> 
> title from 'home' by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros   
> but you probably already knew that


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